LOVING THE GOD I DON’T FULLY UNDERSTAND August 6, 2007Posted by Fr. Felmar Castrodes Fiel, SVD in Bible Animation, Personal Message, Vocation Story.
Tags: Divine Word Formation Center of Davao
No, it’s not my birthday today! But my mind keeps wondering on that moment when once upon an eternity, God said, “Let there be Felmar Castrodes Fiel!” Ah, wonder of all wonders.
I had really no plans of entering the seminary. I had seminarian friends in high school but I was not really attracted to their calling. I felt that entering the seminary would be like becoming a modern martyr. Imagine, they had to undergo ten years of formation!
But when God calls, He is really irresistible! A Persistent Suitor I would say. A religious missionary priest came to our school to conduct an entrance exam. My intention of taking that exam was only the guarantee of our Values Education Professor that I would be exempted for the midterm exams. Wahahaha.
Perhaps God was really serious with me. I passed the exam and I find myself availing of the search-in in Davao City. All of a sudden, I realized I wanted to enter the seminary. What a twist, the years of formation in the SVD congregation is not only ten years but eleven years!
In my many years of serving God, I have been into several troubles and confusions. Two weeks before entering the seminary, my mother got an accident. I was so sad because she was the one I asked to prepare all the things necessary for me to bring to the seminary. I thought God was so cruel and not supportive! He might have other plans for me than entering the seminary. But no, I felt something different with this call. So, I wrestled day and night with my convictions. I then worked all things out to prepare the necessary documents needed for my entrance in the SVD. On that rainy day of May 14, 1998, I went to the Divine Word Formation Center of Davao alone and yet convinced of my calling. That memory was very vivid to me.
One thing I learn through the years is to love the God I don’t fully understand. His ways are not my ways. I have other plans but His plans are bigger. Ah, several times I experienced the dark nights of my soul. But thanks be to God, I always wake up each morning knowing that I have a bright future full of hope. I know that everyday heaven is stormed by prayers of people praying for me. Thanks for that!