No, it’s not my birthday today! But my mind keeps wondering on that moment when once upon an eternity, God said, “Let there be Felmar Castrodes Fiel!” Ah, wonder of all wonders.

I had really no plans of entering the seminary. I had seminarian friends in high school but I was not really attracted to their calling. I felt that entering the seminary would be like becoming a modern martyr. Imagine, they had to undergo ten years of formation!

But when God calls, He is really irresistible! A Persistent Suitor I would say. A religious missionary priest came to our school to conduct an entrance exam. My intention of taking that exam was only the guarantee of our Values Education Professor that I would be exempted for the midterm exams. Wahahaha.

Perhaps God was really serious with me. I passed the exam and I find myself availing of the search-in in Davao City. All of a sudden, I realized I wanted to enter the seminary. What a twist, the years of formation in the SVD congregation is not only ten years but eleven years!

In my many years of serving God, I have been into several troubles and confusions. Two weeks before entering the seminary, my mother got an accident. I was so sad because she was the one I asked to prepare all the things necessary for me to bring to the seminary. I thought God was so cruel and not supportive! He might have other plans for me than entering the seminary. But no, I felt something different with this call. So, I wrestled day and night with my convictions. I then worked all things out to prepare the necessary documents needed for my entrance in the SVD. On that rainy day of May 14, 1998, I went to the Divine Word Formation Center of Davao alone and yet convinced of my calling. That memory was very vivid to me.

One thing I learn through the years is to love the God I don’t fully understand. His ways are not my ways. I have other plans but His plans are bigger. Ah, several times I experienced the dark nights of my soul. But thanks be to God, I always wake up each morning knowing that I have a bright future full of hope. I know that everyday heaven is stormed by prayers of people praying for me. Thanks for that!

Friends, I already applied for the perpetualist program of my congregation. Through your prayers, I concretely feel God’s faithfulness in my life. Bahagi kayo ng bokasyon ko. Salamat ha. May the Heart of Jesus live in the hearts of all. Amen.






  1. “Loving the God I don’t fully understand”, that quote really struck me most. I thought I was the only one doing it. I also want to share my experience on how I love God I don’t fully understand. It was when i was still a child, when my God Father was still alive. I was very close to him and I treat him as a Father. He was a police man and I always pray for his safety. Every night before I sleep, I pray to God for his safety. But one night, he was shot in the head and I never knew the whole story. I heard he was betrayed by his fellow policeman. I really don’t know what really happen and I hate God for not listening in my prayers at that time. After the incident, I never prayed again and I was never religious like my mother.

    Until now, I never understand why God take him from me. But what I know, I still love the God that I know. The one who take my God Father, the one who confuse me, the one who made me cry, the one who made me think I will become lonely but I was not. I also love the God I don’t fully understand.

  2. there are things in life that we Tnt ever fully understand. I too dont fully understand God but my life is so bright with his presence. What I do know is that God is Good. He wont give up on us and doesnt want us to give up on him. We have to have faith and hope. This is something that I am full of. The lord has pulled me out of so much turmoil in my life and really helped me through times when it felt like there was no way out. I just kept on having faith.

  3. kabs, this blog is an inspiration for all of us especially those who come from Davao formation. Knowing that you’re one of the survivors out of the many who were aspiring to respond to God’s invitation to live with Him. Loving the God you don’t fully understand is in fact the same God who always showers you with all the blessings you need in your journey. Trustin the Lord always! The perpetual vow is the final stage of God’s invitation for you to be with Him forever as a Divine Word Missionary. Kabs, i’m proud of you and you inspired me as well in my journey.

    May the Heart of Jesus live in the hearts of all.

  4. Dear Felmar,

    thanks for your efforts in maintaining your website. i just enjoyed watching the short inspirational movie on the father’s love letter.

    i also read your vocation story and felt that God has really chosen and gifted you. enjoy yoiur preciousness and all the best for your perpetualist program.

    love and god bless

  5. hi felmar,

    thank you for constantly updating me ragarding the path of your vocation. you are always in my prayers and i sincerely pray for the best for you. i know that you have the makings of a fine priest, a holy one, and i look forward to that day when you finally make your perpetual vows.

    incidentally, i will no longer be using the richard_hartford address but i will maintain the china_starr address. so please just make the necessary changes so that we will always be in touch.

    thank you for being a part of my life, felmar. looking forward to seeing you again soon.

    in God’s love…

  6. Hi Fiel,

    That was really an inspiring story, I love reading your blog because to me it open up many sentiments, that otherwise, we may not even be aware of…it offers pieces of wisdom that allows so many understand our intricate life. Yes, God’s ways could never really be understood, only by faith can we take a view on the magnificence of His purpose. Yes, sometimes the occurence in our life is so unfair and we think how God who is supposed to be good, allow that? But those were also the moments when our faith is illicited, and through the grace of God, we felt stronger and more worthy of his blessings. Just have faith Fiel, God is always with you and He will push you through, and yes, we, your friends will just be here to pray for you and to help you through, we definitely believe in you!… isang tawag lang! we will be there.:)

    May the Holy Triune God live in the hearts of all

  7. Dear Fiel,
    Congratulations for taking this leap of faith and thank you for sharing with me your insightful entry in your blog. You have taken a move which I refer to as “the journey to the center of your life” or to “your own Jerusalem” (using St. Luke’s geographical framework in the Gospel and Acts– i hope you remember our lesson). It is the only place where transformation can happen. But it takes a lot of courage to undertake that journey. You’ve made the first courageous move, which is also the most difficult. You’ll never regret it. I can assure you of my prayers.

    Sr. Bernie

  8. it really touched me.. especially the video.. God is always loving us unconditionally..and we must also love Him with all our heart and soul.

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